Kissing Frogs Page 5

  I smiled, trying to soften the blow of my words. But my olive branch was ignored, at least by my mother. Her face looked like she’d licked a lemon. My sister didn’t look any happier with me.

  “It seems to me that you are being rather ungrateful. We are trying to help you. We love you and we want you to be happy. You could have some appreciation for that fact."

  Yep, Mom's in a mood. Her voice carried that special tone of admonishment and disappointment that was hers and hers alone. I was well acquainted with that tone. By now, her nose was so far in the air that, if it were raining, she would drown. Mac and Mom were a force to be reckoned with on their own when they got in one of these moods. Together, it was like bashing my head against a steel door.

  I uncrossed my arms and took a tentative step towards her. “I know that, Mom, and I do appreciate it. But let me ask you a question. Do I look happy about this? No offense, but it’s awkward as hell to be forced into dates with guys that someone else picked out for you. Dates I don’t want. It doesn't exactly contribute to the romance factor to sit across a dinner table from some random guy, wondering if they’re thinking about how pathetic I am for needing you guys find me a man. And some of you tend to give these guys a little too much information about my past love life. That doesn’t really help the awkwardness.”

  “But Matt is a…” MacKenzie’s voice trailed off when I interrupted her.

  “Yeah, I know, Mac. Matt’s a nice and successful guy. That’s what I always hear and, most of the time, you’re probably right. But just because he may be nice doesn’t mean I want to him to be my soul mate. Nice is great, but it isn’t everything. If there’s no spark, there’s no spark. And frankly, some of the ‘nice’ guys you all have pushed at me are straight up boring, if not full-on nuts. Sorry, but it’s true.”

  “Well,” my mother sniffed, “you could have told us how you felt at any time, you know.”

  Sometimes I thought my mother lived in an alternate reality, one where daughters fell in line and did what they were told. A reality where daughters married the men their mothers wanted. A reality where daughters always said the right things and those things were always what the mothers wanted to hear. Unfortunately, I didn’t exist there. I took another chi-harnessing breath.

  “I tell you all the time, Mom. You just don’t listen. None of you do.” My tone was a lot harsher than I intended and I struggled to keep the anger out of my voice before continuin. “I’ll deal with it today and I’ll even be open-minded about it. But after today, you all have to promise me… no more. Okay?”

  I looked at them and, one by one, they nodded in agreement. Grandma Fi and Taylor looked fine with it and I knew they would be. They were the least offensive members of Operation Marry Cassidy. Mom and Mac didn't look nearly so agreeable. They looked like they wanted to argue some more and I wasn‘t in the mood. My eyes narrowed as I glanced between them. I just wanted some peace from the constant lectures and awkward dates, even if I harbored no illusions that it would actually stop. Finally, they gave in, at least for the moment, and nodded in agreement.

  “Okay, then. Can we move past it and have a good day today, or are you all going to be ticked off at me for being such an ungrateful wench?” I smiled at them, hoping they would take the hint and let it go.

  “I think you meant ‘ungrateful bitch,’” my sister grumbled before hugging me half-heartedly. Taylor grabbed me in an exuberant hug, drawing Grandma Fi in with us. But my mother hung back. No hugs from her, just a smile that didn't reach her eyes. Big surprise.

  By the time we made it outside with trays of food, the grills were already in use. Dad, Tom, and Tom’s brothers Pete and Brian stood around them in deep discussion over the best way to achieve grilled perfection, each of them thoroughly convinced that they were the next Food Network Grill Master. When they called me over to settle their argument, I knew better than get in the middle of their testosterone-fueled battle for supremacy and handed them each a beer before bowing out.

  As I finished setting out the food, it occurred to me that I might have gone a little overboard. I had enough food to feed a small battalion. But it looked beautiful. The fairy tale theme of the party had made its way to the serving tables, too. Spanish moss covered the tables, cradling the bowls and platters of food. Tucked here and there were loose flowers, fairy houses, and tiny ceramic toadstools. A smaller table stood nearby holding stacks of plates and bowls nestled by more moss and flowers. A small log sat next to them with terracotta pots set into it, holding silverware and rolled napkins. The spread was pretty damn magazine-worthy, if I said so myself.

  As I stood admiring my mad hostess skills, I felt something slide over my right arm. I looked over my shoulder to find Taylor dressing me in a set of fairy wings. She wore a pair of her own, shimmering in the sunlight in every shade of blue possible. Mine were green, dark forest at the top and fading into a barely-there green at the bottom.

  “Did you make these, Tay? They’re gorgeous!” My friend was a crafty genius. I craned my head back and forth to admire them fluttering in the breeze.

  “Yup! What’s a fairy party without wings? I made some for everyone. The girls, that is.” She gestured around the yard as she spoke and, for the first time, I noticed the rainbow of newly winged fairies around the yard. Kyra’s pink wings were almost as tall as she was and they fluttered behind her as she ran around the yard. The only one without a pair was Tom's mother. Her gray and black wings lay forgotten on the ground next to her chair. She wasn't exactly known for her willingness to be silly. She took great pride in being more refined than the average person. In other words, stuffy and boring. I looked at Taylor, hoping her feelings weren’t too hurt. She read my thoughts without me having said a single word.

  “I didn’t expect her to wear them, but I couldn’t ignore her. Don’t worry, though, I gave her the boring pair!” A cheesy grin spread across her face and I reached out to hug her.

  But I only had a moment to bask in the love before reality crashed into me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my sister sidle up next to Tom and nudge him, glancing pointedly in Matt’s direction. Shit. So much for Mac actually listening to me. I had hoped she’d let it go and let things fall as they may with Matt. After all, who knew? Maybe without interference, I would actually hit it off with the guy. Open mind, Cass, open mind.

  The words became a mantra as I tried to ignore them, a feat that was next to impossible since neither of them were even remotely subtle. Matt noticed, too, although it was obvious he was trying to pretend he hadn’t. It was like being in middle school all over again, worse because the drama was unfolding in my own backyard and I couldn’t escape. Turning my back on them, I surreptitiously watched Matt as he distracted himself with my dog as she danced around his legs.

  Luna was a tiny, blonde Chinese Crested dog with a personality bigger than she was. She was also a bit of an attention whore, seeking to add each new human she encountered to her fan club. She was my personal litmus test with people. You could learn a lot about a person by how they treated your dog, especially one like Luna. If they made fun of her or called her ugly, that was it. They were out. No second chances. And right now, she was completely enraptured by Matt and he was passing the Luna Test with flying colors. Damn it. If I actually end up liking this guy, Mac will never let me hear the end of it. As I watched, he scooped her up and nuzzled her as he sat down, crooning in her ear. I had to take back the strike I'd already given him. Matt was as absorbed with Luna as she was with him.

  I took advantage of the situation and checked him out. If I was going to keep up my end of the bargain and play nice for the rest of the day, I wanted to see what I was working with. And I couldn’t deny it… the guy was not hard on the eyes. He was tall, pushing past six feet by at least a few inches. He wasn’t muscle-bound, but you could tell that he kept himself in shape. He was gorgeous in an Abercrombie & Fitch model sort of way. Chiseled jaw, perfect cheekbones, and no Dad jeans or other questionable wardrobe choice
s. But there was a whole lot of something in his perfectly coiffed hair. He probably took longer in the morning to get ready for the day than I did.

  Snarkily, I gave him back his strike. Attractive or not, pretty boys that were that concerned with how they looked didn’t do it for me. In my experience, that tended to be the warning siren for a whole lot of conceited crap that I didn’t want to deal with ever again. I had my Master’s in Bullshit after Luke. I liked my men to look real and not like they had just stepped off the set after a modeling gig. A few tattoos didn’t hurt, either. Crap. Open mind, you promised an open mind.

  The pretty boy thing didn’t seem to bother Luna in the slightest. The furry traitor was all over him. She wiggled in ecstasy as Matt rubbed her belly and whispered sweet nothings in her big ears. She and I needed to have a long talk about self-respect and decorum.

  My attention left Matt and my traitorous dog when I saw Mac push Tom towards him. It was less of a nudge this time and a lot more of a shove. He stumbled forward, trying to catch his balance as he crossed to where Matt was currently kissing my dog’s paws. The time for escape, if there had ever been one, was over. I steeled myself for the inevitable, repeating my new mantra to myself once again.

  “Hey, Cass, come here,” Tom called, clearly uncomfortable about the situation, but not so uncomfortable that he stood up to his meddling wife and refused to get in the middle of it.

  Damn it. I forced myself to smile and walked over to the two men. Matt moved, shifting Luna to cradle her in one arm, and stood up to meet me. The little betrayer burrowed into his chest and raised her head to nuzzle into his neck. She lavished him with the doggie kisses she usually reserved for me. Yeah, we needed to have a talk about girl-loyalty.

  “Matt, I want you to meet my sister-in-law and our hostess, Cassidy. Never call her ‘Cassie,’ She might punch you,” he said with a laugh as he bumped shoulders with me. “Cass, this is Matt, newly relocated to our fair haven.”

  Keeping my mantra in mind, I greeted him warmly and extended my hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Matt. Welcome to the wilds of northern New York.”

  Instead of taking it or responding, he looked me over from my toes to the top of my head and back again, leaving me standing there awkwardly with my hand in mid-air as his eyes lingered just a moment too long in a couple key places. Before finally shaking it, his gaze moved away from my face and to Tom’s. He tilted his head towards me for a moment and followed it with a nod of approval, turning back to me with a cocky wink. Seriously? No subtlety whatsoever. Strike two. That took care of any lingering worries about having to eat crow with my sister.

  The ‘hey, baby” look on his face filled me with the urge to throat-punch him and snatch my deluded dog out of his arms. But I restrained myself from both. Instead, I leveled a quick, but deadly look first at my sister and then at Tom. I considered adding one or both of them to my throat-punching schedule.

  They got the message loud and clear, although both Mac and Matt were unaffected by my fierceness. Tom gulped audibly and had the grace to look ashamed before he spoke again. “Cass, Matt is new to the firm. He joined us a few weeks ago from a firm in Albany. And, Matt, Cass is familiar with your former stomping grounds. She went to college in Albany.”

  As we exchanged meaningless small talk, I pondered Tom’s words. The plot thickens… I had known Matt was a lawyer, but Tom had neglected to tell me he worked at the firm. The same firm in which Tom was a junior partner and my dad was not just a senior partner, but the owner. It was his name in big letters on the door, which meant that it was a damn good bet that my father was in on the deception. That stung. Until now, he had been the one person not on my back about my love life. I glanced over Matt’s shoulder to find my father across the yard doing his damnedest to avoid my eyes. For a lawyer, he had a crappy poker face. This day can’t end fast enough.

  The words were just a thought in my head, but I might has well have screamed them. The innocent looked awkward and the guilty looked ashamed. But Matt seemed oblivious, like he took it for granted that he was so awesome that I could only be thrilled by his mere existence. I hoped that he was a great lawyer because his personality sure as hell could use an overhaul.

  Finally, I found an excuse to escape to the kitchen. As soon as I walked away, Matt sat back down with Luna lolling in his arms. Stupidly, I glanced back in time to catch his eye and he shot me another cocky grin. He was unbelievable, cruising down the river of denial at a high rate of speed. The way he cuddled Luna no longer looked cute. I wanted to slap the smile right off his face, but that would probably be going a bit too far during a family event, nor would it do much for my hostess cred.

  Mac came out of the house just as I reached the top of the deck stairs. When she saw me, she hesitated long enough to make it obvious that she was debating running away. But she didn’t, instead pasting the brightest, most fake smile on her face I had ever seen.

  “So, what do you think of Matt? Cute, right?”

  I sighed. “Yeah, Mac, he’s cute. But kind of a jerk, don’t you think?”

  My sister actually looked shocked at my assessment, much to my surprise. “Jerk? Why would you say that?”

  “Are you kidding me, Mac? Did you not see that whole staring thing when Tom introduced us? The nod? You don’t think that was a little obnoxious?”

  “Oh, come on, Cass. Don’t be so hard on him. He was just trying to be funny.

  And you’re delusional. “Okay. If you say so.”

  “You promised an open mind, Cassidy,” she snapped. With a sniff and a roll of the eyes, she passed me and trotted down the steps. A few short steps took her to our mother’s side and the two of them immediately began whispering. It wasn’t a big leap to assume that I was the subject of that particular conversation. The moment my mother caught me watching them, the conversation ceased. No, that wasn’t obvious at all.

  I turned my gaze from them and caught my grandmother’s eye. She smiled at me from across the yard, completely in denial of her own part in Operation Marry Cassidy. Grandma Fiona felt she was above the rules and she usually got away with it. “The privilege of growing old,” or so she claimed. It was cute… most of the time.

  My eyes found Matt again, sitting next to Tom with Luna asleep on his lap. On the surface, I wanted to like him. He was cute and my dog clearly adored him. My parents would be thrilled if I settled down and married another lawyer and it sure as hell would get everyone off my back. But even aside from the asshat attitude, the guy just didn’t do it for me. Everything about him was just too perfect… his hair, his face, his clothes, even how he carried himself. It was like every move he made was calculated and cultivated. Great traits for a trial lawyer, but a hell of a lot less attractive in the eyes of a chick who was a bit of a wild child. Ink and steel was far more to my taste than hipster chic.

  But at least it would make for a good story someday. Maybe I would write a book. Operation Marry Cassidy: Epic Matchmaking Fails. My titling skills needed work, but I thought I could spin a few of the tales into entertaining reading. My grandmother and the weirdos. Taylor and the unambitious. My mother and the creepy bastards like the guy who brought his mother on our one and only date. He spent the entire date asking for her opinion of me, even asking her if she thought he should kiss me… right in front of me. She’d hated me and the feeling had been mutual. And Mac, with the buttoned-up, professional, hipster types. To be fair, I wasn’t much better, so maybe I’d add Melvin in, too. It would be a bestseller.

  No matter how annoying the man was, I tried to keep my promise. True, it was less for nobility’s sake and more for my own good. At least if I tried to be open-minded toward him, Mac and my mother couldn’t yell at me for that, too. However, conversation with the man was a painful form of torture, to have or to hear. I didn’t think he was capable of actual meaningful conversation about anything other than himself. And if I heard “you wouldn’t understand” in his condescending voice one more time, I was going to scream. Even Kyra w
asn't exempted from his monologues about his awesomeness. I giggled a little inside to hear the snippiness in her voice whenever she got a word in edgewise. My diva niece was copping an attitude and it was much more enjoyable when I wasn’t the target.

  Thankfully, it got better when it was time to eat, at least for a little while. The yard became utter chaos as everyone filled their plates and settled in to eat and drink. The giant elephant in the room finally took a break. It was impossible to maintain my level of anger and watch Kyra flit about in her fairy wings. I was even able to put aside the horrifying fact that Kyra had freed the frog from his terrarium. Free from containment and fully able to escape at any moment. Okay, it was possible I hadn't put it entirely aside.

  But all the harping on my love life earlier put it right in the forefront of my mind now as I looked around the table. Grandma Fi and Jack. Mom and Dad. Mac and Tom. Tom’s parents, his brothers and their girlfriends. Besides Kyra, I was the only one. And, of course, Matt. I never felt alone when I actually was alone. But right now, surrounded by couples, I felt it. I didn’t like the fact that Mom and Mac got into my head, but I didn’t have time to brood about it. Everyone else was already eating when the elephant in the room that was Matt reared its ugly head once again.